Deserter, Failure, Betrayer
by Stormer
Summary: Rayel Markhin faces three of every White Tower woman’s worst nightmares when she tries her luck against the subterranean ter’angreal. R/R if it looks too long, it's not! I swear!
1. To Be Accepted.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own WoT (_Wheel of Time_), Aes Sedai, the White Tower, or anything else in Robert Jordan's books. Thanks!

**Note:** Madeline is not my character, and I am not the author of this first section. The author can be found at as Madeline Sedai. She is a great writer! :) I decided to put the sections of this work in separate chapters for easier management (from my p.o.v at least :).

_A note to all note-leavers:_ I really appreciate feed-back. If you don't like my writing, you should tell me why. Maybe I can use your notes to improve my style over the months. Thanks :)

**To Be Accepted.  
**By Madeline Sedai, AMoN.

Madeline smoothed the green fringe on her shawl over hips, thinking of how long it had been since she had worn it. There had been a time when she had never been without her shawl, but now it stayed in her closet except for in formal occasions. Today was certainly one such, the raising of an Accepted. Madeline always felt mixed emotions when she brought her novices to the arches, feeling both pride and sadness, knowing the pain the Testing always brought.   
  
The novice quarters were fairly busy at this time of day, just after the evening meal and before the next round of lessons. She found Rayel's room and rapped on the door, giving a nod to a young novice who passed from the other way, lugging a stack of books taller then her head. The door swung open, and Rayel blinked in surprise, dipping into a graceful curtsy. There were faint streaks of charcoal on her white dress, and her eyes looked tired. She had worked herself to the bone the past several weeks, earning the approval of many Sisters, but it was taking a toll on her.

"It is time, dear," Madeline said quietly.

Rayel blinked in surprise. "…Time?"

Madeline nodded, saying nothing more, and beckoned for Rayel to follow. They made their way through a winding maze of corridors, heading deep into the bedrock of the Tower where few ever went. At the end of a long stone hallway, they reached a pair of double doors, carved with the image of the Great Serpent.   
  
Madeline looked over at Rayel and gave her a reassuring smile. "You will do well, child. You have the strength and the heart for this, and you will do well."  
  
And so they entered the great chamber where the _ter'angreal_ was kept, now glowing with _saidar_. Several Aes Sedai bedecked in fringe shawls sat cross-legged surrounding the three silver Arches, one at each point. The stone walls of the rounded chamber flickered with torchlight, seeming rather surreal with the glow of the _ter'angreal_.   
  
Madeline turned to Rayel. "I will now tell you that which no one hears until they are in this room. First, you should know that once you decide to begin, you must continue until the end. If you refuse to go on, we will have no choice but to see you from the Tower, with enough to gold to last you a year. Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger in these Arches. Some women have gone into the _ter'angreal_, and were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast."  
  
"This is your last chance, Rayel. You may turn back now, and try again another day with two more chances. There is no honor lost in this. Do you wish to continue?"  
  
Rayel nodded. "Yes, Aes Sedai. I am ready." Madeline smiled proudly, and stepped away as a slender Yellow approached. Rayel quickly doffed her novice dress, folding it neatly on the ground.  
  
"Whom do you bring with you, Sister?"  
  
"One who comes as candidate for Acceptance, Sister."  
  
"Is she ready?"  
  
"She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance."  
  
"Does she know her fears?"  
  
"She has never faced them, but now is willing."  
  
"Then let her face what she fears."   
  
Rayel took a deep breath, and stepped through the first Arch. The light flared, and she disappeared. A thick silence settled over the room, as the Aes Sedai waited for their child to return.


	2. Foremath.

**Note:** From now on it is all my work, aside from a small contribution from Ariana Sedai, The Amyrlin Seat at www.wheeloftimerp.com. Rayel is my own character, her (sur)name slightly altered from the character you will eventually find in my _Ragewater Chronicles_. A few names mentioned from here on in are not my own inventions, but the majority of them are.

**Foremath  
  
  
**

  
Rayel worked all that day, exhausting herself in her attempts to forget. She scrubbed dirty dishes, something that had always repulsed her, and even did part of the floors. The cook looked astonished that she was volunteering herself without being dragged in by her ear. She just looked at the woman briefly and continued about her business.  
  
She washed up when someone else came in to take over—they had been assigned the job, and Rayel was not about to let them get into trouble by forcing them out of a chore—and headed over to the main entrance of the Tower. She didn't hide herself, and soon enough an Aes Sedai approached her with several errands to run. She was to deliver messages, letters and summonses, and then go and help clean out the cabinets in the sickroom. She did all of this, moving as fast as she could so that the pain in her muscles kept her mind from wandering.  
  
Next she practically leapt on an Aes Sedai, and realised she had sounded like she was begging when she asked for a chore. "Are you well, child?" the Sister asked, frowning down into Rayel's wide eyes. She simply nodded and waited eagerly, fighting not to hop from one foot to the other with impatience. She soon had a chore and wasted no time completing it.  
  
She worked like this all day, doing whatever she could. She knew she impressed many a Sister, though that had not been her intention. She also knew that she could not keep up this pace forever—and the thought not only angered her, but set fear into her heart. What would happen when she could not move, and had to sit there thinking? Thinking of…  
  
She went to visit friends, but realised she didn't have those anymore. She spoke with Elli for a brief moment, but it was not like it had been. There were long silences and those were the last things Rayel needed. She moved on, desperately searching for something to do.  
  
Eventually she really had nothing to occupy her. She was so exhausted that she had to be helped to her room by a stately Aes Sedai with a streak of brown in her hair. _You must be so very old_, Rayel thought. Or, she believed she had only thought it—until the Aes Sedai slapped her and deserted her to the care of an impatient novice. Rayel had spoken aloud! "You fool," the other novice glowered at her. "You don't speak to Aes Sedai like that! I wonder how you've lasted so long."  
  
_So do I_, Rayel said inwardly, knowing she didn't speak aloud this time.  
  
She had been in her room an hour, writing about and drawing the Forsaken, and her idea of what a Black Sister would look like, when a knock sounded at the door. She dropped her charcoal and absent-mindedly wiped her hands on her dress. Heaving herself up off the bed she limped over to the door. When she opened it, Madeline Sedai stood there regally, making Rayel feel like a little street urchin. "It is time, dear," the woman said, her voice sending chills down Rayel's spine.  
  
"Time…?"  
  
The woman nodded and motioned for Rayel to follow. She did not hesitate, exhausted as she was, hobbling out the door after the woman. She was so tired she forgot to shut the door.

'*''*''*''*'

She listened carefully as Madeline Sedai told her what no woman learned until this moment. Her stomach churned but she barely noticed it, such was her exhaustion. _Is it safe to do this in my state?_ she wondered, but by then it was too late. She had already nodded and murmured the words, "Yes, Aes Sedai. I am ready." Madeline smiled, and motioned Rayel forward. _No turning back_, a small voice echoed in her mind as she stood shivering.  
  
A slender woman with a yellow-fringed shawl approached, and Rayel did as she knew she must. When she had stripped she neatly folded her novice dressed and crouched to place it on the ground, for the first time noticing how filthy it was.  
  
The link with Marana was just a dull presence in the remotest corner of her mind. _It means she lives. So where did she go? Why did she leave me_…_?_ Ordinarily at least one tear would have fallen by now, but this was no ordinary moment. Rayel looked at the looming arch before her, and felt a peculiar sense of affinity for whatever lay within. _Fool_, she muttered, or perhaps it was someone else who spoke the word. _You may never come out_, came additional words, either her own or someone else's. She knew they were true, either way.  
  
"…Faced them, but now is willing," Madeline was saying, and Rayel blinked and tuned in.  
  
"Then let her face what she fears."  
  
Her throat felt tight and dry. She thought of asking for water but decided she dared not. Countless pairs of eyes were on her, including Marana's, and without further ado she stepped forward and into the light.  
  
For a moment she truly believed she had stepped into the Creator's shadow…


	3. The First Arch (Desertion).

**The First Arch (Desertion).**

…From this distance, the town looked like a thousand-diamond brooch in the moonlight, and Rayel shook her head in wonder. _Home_…she thought wistfully, and smiled over at Dima. She knew he was the same boy she had drawn blood with so long ago, but he had changed almost as much as she had since that day. Even physically he was a different person, tall and handsome in that typical tall, handsome way. She knew he would make some girl very happy, if only he would outgrow that swaggering arrogance. _There is no trace of it at the moment_, she thought briefly, somewhat amused.

"What is it now, little sister?" Dima asked, and the teasing glint was back in his dark eyes. Suddenly she was struck by the sense that she was not meant to be here. _Dima_…_?_ she thought, staring at him with a frown. Ordinarily she would've launched into the usual banter, in which she reminded her brother that in fact she was several days his senior, but something seemed…_wrong_…to her. Dima was frowning now, and opened his mouth to speak, but Rayel ceased to listen, now distracted by a new noise. She was not the only one who heard it.

"Rayel, someone is coming," said one of the younger boys, trotting on light feet to her side. Rayel nodded and stepped forward tentatively, peering into the darkness. It was then that she became aware that she was wearing dark skirts. She frowned as she wondered why that seemed odd to her… "Rayel," Dima said from behind with a sigh, but she held up a hand for silence without even looking at him. She had more important worries than dresses and a brother's concern.

She swallowed the urge to call out into the darkness to whoever went there. She had heard stories of heroes who did such foolish things and lived – briefly – to regret it. Soon enough a figure came into her field of vision, struggling up the hill towards their perch. Gradually she caught clearer glimpses of the face, and although she did not recognize the man, she knew he was fleeing from something.

"You there," she said, stepping forward and loosening the knife in her belt in preparation. It was her father's knife…and she found herself wondering how she had come by it. _Do not be ridiculous!_ she swore inwardly. _Your seventeenth Naming Day, remember?!_ She forced her thoughts back to the strange man, all the while aware of Dima's frowning gaze on her. The strange man suddenly gave a yell and tripped over a root. Rayel was on him before he could begin to struggle upward again. She made sure he saw the knife, and then said, "What is the matter? Why are you fleeing?"

The man's eyes shone in the darkness as he twisted his head to look up at her, and he nodded hastily, unable to form words because he was out of breath. Rayel waited patiently, glancing briefly at Dima who had dropped into a crouch on the other side of the stranger. Eventually the man said, in barely more than a whisper, _"Hunts_…_the women. Taken. Girls. Young_…_ones. White-cloak_…_dead."_

"Can you decipher it?" Rayel asked Dima, annoyed that the stranger was not being clearer. Her brother shook his head. "It is a language I have never encountered, sister."

"Right." Rayel got to her feet and helped the stranger to his. "Go on if you want."

_Be steadfast_…

She frowned and thought, _Oh, I will_, although she did not know where the words had come from. For a split second she had no idea where she was. Then Dima placed his arm on her hand, forcing her to allow him to ask after her health this time. She smiled to hide her discomfort and began giving out orders. The company would continue on into town and investigate.

"You are not…going there?" the stranger spoke then, still standing where Rayel had left him. He regarded Rayel with wide eyes. "You do not…know. Take…my word. Run…while you can…"

"The way back will come but once," Rayel replied absent-mindedly, and the man blinked. Rayel frowned irritably, wondering where those words had come from. _This is no time to be losing your mind!_

"Why…yes, lady. The way back is not…_that_ way," he insisted, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the town. He had caught his breath now and spoke easily. "This is your best chance to escape. Please make the most of it."

Rayel knew somehow that the words she had spoken had not been meant in that way, but she was not about to spend time explaining that to this man. She regarded him briefly before turning away. She saw him shaking his head from the corner of her eye, but soon forgot all about it. If there was trouble in town, and her sisters were there…

She did not need to look at Dima to know he was thinking along the same lines.

'*''*''*''*'

The sound grew steadily as they made their way in, and soon it had reached a level that Rayel could barely tolerate. Her head began to ache. The closer they got the more easily she was able to decipher certain sounds, and her heart dropped rapidly. There were many screams, the sounds of breaking things, the crackle of buildings on fire, and the steady clatter of hooves and hard-sole shoes on cobble-stone. There were smells too. Scents of smoke, sweat, blood and fear. Rayel knew that a good part of that last was coming from herself and those around her.

It soon became apparent that they would do well to go quietly and discretely. "My, what is happening?" Rayel murmured softly, reaching out blindly and grasping Dima's hand. She got no verbal answer, only a hand-squeeze, but she was too on edge to care.

_The way back will come but once_, the words came again, from an unknown location. Rayel wondered if she was going mad. She had wondered that quite often lately, and so it didn't seem unusual to her to do so now. It was not a comfortable thought though.

_Be steadfast_…

She hardly heard the voice now. Glancing this way and that, she happened to peer into an alley-way with a silvery-white arch at the end. She gasped and drew up short, her back as straight as a rod. "What is it?" Dima spoke into her ear, so close that she felt his breath on her. She shook her head and moved away, for the arch had disappeared. She didn't want to think about being insane…it was the last thing she needed at this moment.

No one spoke to them as they ventured deeper into town. Rayel headed instinctively for the town square, where the major events always took place. Perhaps she would find some clues there.

She started violently as a screaming woman raced past her, grubby hands pressed to her mouth. Tears had made pink tracks down her cheeks, and her eyes had a wild look in them. "Light!" Rayel gasped, and leapt out of the woman's path, turning to watch as she went past and wove an erratic line through the streets. "Madness," Dima muttered, and Rayel turned and began to run. Dima and a few of the others sped up to match her pace, following close behind her. Soon enough they had made it to the square.

"Blood and ashes…" someone had said by the time Rayel saw what had inspired the words. "Rayel, don't–"

She had started forward by now and it was too late. She went straight for the crowd surrounding a scaffold, on which a line of human figures stood on small stools. Each figure had a loop of rope around his or her neck. It was clear what was happening, but Rayel screamed one question inwardly, over and over: _Why?!_

Dima did try to stop her going forward, but she threatened to cut his hand off if he laid it on her again. She didn't see the hurt in his eyes, and nor did she notice when he continued to follow loyally, guarding her back against whatever threats crouched in the milling crowd.

_What are they all doing here?_ Rayel wondered numbly, feeling quite nauseous. _Do they really want to _watch?!

She went as far forward as she could go, and then stood staring at the people lined up on the platform above the crowd. Some of them cried, and some closed their eyes. Others surveyed the crowd with a stomach-turning calmness. "Why…?" someone murmured, seeming to read Rayel's mind.

"They are traitors!" someone screamed, by way of answering. "The little one, she betrayed us to the Whitecloaks! She went and–"

"Aliah!" someone else yelled, and it appeared they'd been trying to get the fanatical woman's attention for some time. "Listen to me. I've already told you that it wasn't that way at all. The little one is innocent, and as for the rest–"

"You think me a fool, Endar?" the first woman shrieked, and Rayel's inner ears felt shredded. "That is the way they disguise themselves best! By taking the forms of children! Why, they could walk amongst us every day…"

_She is but a child_…Rayel whispered silently, shaking her head in quiet disbelief as she met the terrified gaze of the little one briefly. "Oh Light…" she began, but had the sense of mind not to say anything more. The people in this crowd seemed on the brink of snapping…and Rayel was not in the mood to make herself their scapegoat.

Beneath the screeching of the crowd was the steady drawl of the preacher up at the edge of the scaffold, standing beneath the noosed victim closest to him. The man was rattling off the crimes of those who were to be hung; Rayel didn't bother to listen, although the crowd seemed to get increasingly riled up doing so. Rayel swallowed and glanced back at Dima, the frantic feeling in her mirrored there in his dark eyes. What could they do…?

She let her gaze slip away, and suddenly she was looking at a gleaming silver arch. People passed by and it remained there. _The way back will_… This time Rayel was ready for it, and forced her mind away from the unwelcome words, which were starting to make her very uncomfortable. They seemed to come from some alien source rather than from inside her. They did not belong in this world. _Her_ world.

She jerked her gaze back to the line of victims and must have nearly twisted Dima's hand off as she caught sight of one particular face, a face too familiar. The entire world seemed to lapse into silence in that moment, and breathing was difficult. Those eyes met Rayel's, the wide, blue eyes – the only clear thing about the girl. _Eelsen_…

Suddenly she was moving, feeling drawn inexplicably in a certain direction. Dima moved with her automatically, not bothering to question – or perhaps he did, and she didn't hear. All she knew was that soon she was standing directly below the figure balancing precariously on one of the rickety stools…and off to her left, gleaming softly in the smoky night air, was the same arch that had appeared to her before.

Rayel's heart squeezed painfully as the preacher's spiel reached a crescendo. She watched the frenzied crowd with wide eyes, wondering just what had led to this. _They are animals_, she thought, her stomach churning. The light from the arch seemed to pulse in the corner of her vision, making her intensely agitated.

"Eelsen," she murmured, and looked up again. She was standing right below her sister now. She saw the girl's lips move, mouthing her name in a whisper that was beyond Rayel's ability to hear. "We'll get her down," Rayel said.

Dima did not hesitate to agree, though she saw the doubt in his eyes, the same doubt that was in her heart. She didn't bother to answer the unspoken question: _how?_. She really had nothing to say. 

She felt compelled to look to the left, and again found herself gazing at the silvery arch. Confused, she found herself thinking that inside that arch lay her destiny. _Fool_, she muttered, even as she took a couple of steps in that direction, away from her sister and Dima. Horror struck her heart as she understood what was required of her. Understanding did not mean she would accept it. She pressed her lips together and turned back, seeing Dima sneaking around to the back of the scaffold. _Be steadfast_.

She barely flinched at the words, and hastily went to follow her brother. She found that she was rooted to the ground. Dima turned to look at her and she lurched forward, hurrying to his side. She felt an unbearable tearing inside, the tearing of the woman whose duties were divided. Still she fought it, fought her destiny. Her eyes were now locked on the arch, and that was why she stumbled and ran into one of the armed guards, who shoved her back and went to strike her with his unsheathed sword. She gasped and staggered backwards, suddenly breaking for the arch, which now flickered in and out of existence. She felt panic grip her at the sight, knowing that somehow her fate was in the balance.

_The way back will come but once_…

She knew this time that the words were connected with the arch. Some mysterious force caused her legs to move her closer to the foreign object which seemed somehow so familiar to her…

"Rayel!" came a harsh cry from behind. She looked back involuntarily and saw him there, frozen on the spot. _Dima_…

And then the screaming began. Standing with her mouth agape, she glimpsed a sight out of pure nightmare; the second victim was shoved from the stool as the first writhed on the rope, now taut. Both figures were struggling feebly as their filthy faces darkened further. _Blood and bloody_… Rayel gasped inwardly, and bile rose in her throat. She began to weep as she struggled up from the earth. She was torn between keeping her eyes on the arch and looking back at the platform; she felt strung out like a criminal tied to four horses. Back or forward? Ahead or behind? Here or there? She screamed in agony and fury as she staggered a few more steps in the direction of the arch. Again she was forced to stop and throw a glance over her shoulder.

She begged the Light for tears to obscure her vision, to keep from her the sight of her dear brother, thunderstruck in the face of desertion, and the whites of Eelsen's eyes, which seemed to shine with a supernatural light, born of the purest terror. _I would never desert my kin! Not in a million sunsets! And yet, here I am_… The expression on Dima's face was evidence enough that she was little better than Shadowspawn. _I am leaving them all behind_…_leaving my little sister to die, and him to pick up the pieces of everyone's shattered lives_…._What has become of the person I used to be_…_?_

The whites of the girls' eyes pierced her cruelly, sending racking waves of pain through her. She knew she could not possibly see with such detail at this distance, but her heart squeezed painfully and her stomach roiled. Her legs would have given way if some cursed spirit were not keeping them strong for her, strong enough to propel her through the two silver lines of the arch almost against her will.

The Light consumed her, and she hoped to die and stay dead forever.


	4. First Shock, Well-Endured.

**First Shock, Well-Endured.**

Water splashed over her, and she felt that the Aes Sedai purposefully poured it in a way that would cause the most discomfort. The fury she felt far surpassed the pain for the moment—particularly when she looked upon those serene, smooth faces. _It is alright for you_, she muttered inwardly, thinking that if she spoke aloud her words could poison those at whom they were directed. _Reason enough to open my mouth?_ she pondered. Before she could deduce an answer it was time to move on.

"Well done," Madeline Sedai said, and Rayel searched for signs of warmth in the woman's face. _Perhaps I do not let myself see them_, she thought dully. _Or perhaps there is nothing to see_. The latter seemed more likely to her in her current state of mind. She shivered and waited.

"Are you ready to continue, Child?"

Rayel stared at the Sister for a long time, until she felt she had worn out her patience. "I am," she said coldly, and saw a brief glint of knowing in the Aes Sedai's eyes. She ignored it as best she could. _You think you will break me? I will show you what I am made of_, Rayel thought, feeling so determined that she looked Madeline Sedai directly in the eye without flinching. _Perhaps I am becoming Accepted before their very eyes?_

"The second time," Madeline said calmly, "is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."

Rayel felt all of her anger dissipate in a split second. She longed for the comfort of her room and her white dress and her filthy chores. All she felt was fear.

Breathing deeply once or twice to try and calm her nerves, she stepped into the arch.


	5. The Second Arch (Failure).

**The Second Arch (Failure).**

They Sitters were Sitting, and that was all they could do. In the Hall, there was a permeating sense of despair. Everyone knew it was pointless now. Rayel knew it, so deep in her soul that every small movement caused her physical pain. They were doomed.

"I have seen to the distribution," Davian said. "The rest of them are in the valley as you requested." He cleared his throat. It was rare to see the man display such discomfort. Then again, it was rare to see Raymal with sweat on her brow, or Johanas's face so pale. It was rare to see Whenmae look so ill, as ill as Rayel felt nearly twenty-four hours a day.

It was not a usual thing to realise that the world was gone to hell.

"There is much danger," Whenmae murmured. "Out there. I never thought to see–"

"Hell on earth," Coéla murmured, and Rayel jumped. _She has read my mind_, she thought, then dismissed her superstition. The Yellow Evraise was the one with the uncanny ability to see into people's heads and hearts. It reminded Rayel so of Marana, that long-lost friend whom she had never had the privilege of calling Sister. But Rayel didn't like Evraise; nor was there any sort of link between them. Just Evraise's irritating tendency to confront her on thoughts that were rightfully hers alone. She resented having to guard her inner _ramblings_ as closely as she guarded her tongue.

"Coéla, please," Raymal said sharply, turning a hard glance on the Red. Coéla stared at her, never one to back down easily. Yet Raymal had proved repeatedly that she could outlast anyone. Soon enough Coéla was staring at her hands again.

"It is not over yet." Raymal's expression dared any of the others to challenge that statement. No one did. "We _know_ it is not over. Logic tells us as much."

"Feoneya is our resident White," Johanas said curtly, and Rayel sensed that there would be a struggle, even in this desperate hour. Johanas' words had unspoken meaning; the rest of the White Sitters had mysteriously disappeared, and Feoneya Vaalis was the only one left to stand in their stead. A sign of decay, surely, when not all the Sitters bothered to show up to a convening of the Hall. Rayel's stomach twisted painfully.

"Logic," Raymal continued coldly—she was the coldest Gray Rayel had ever encountered—"tells us that something cannot be over until it is over. We do not suffer the aftermath until the event has transpired. It is sensible, yes?"

"It is," Rayel said immediately, not wanting to allow anyone else to speak up first. _Please just let them co-operate, this once_.

"Therefore," Raymal went on, nodding briefly to Rayel, "we would do well to get ourselves out there. It will make things all the worse if the people have no guidance. They need to see us doing what we have always done. Are we in agreement?"

"Yes," Rayel said again, and now Raymal almost looked annoyed. Coéla stared at Rayel and muttered, "I did not know parrots could Sit." Her eyes were flat, and Rayel guessed she was on the brink of losing her wits. For that reason she bit back the sharp reply that danced eagerly on her tongue.

"Enough," Feoneya said. She stood up, not waiting for the assent which most had learned over the years to ask of Raymal. "This is quite pointless. I've had altogether enough of gatherings of fools. You may all do as you wish, but I am going to do what I do best. I am leaving." Then she strode from the room. Raymal said nothing, just stared after her.

Rayel hesitated a second before climbing to her feet also. "It is time for the last stand," she muttered, shivering. "As dramatic as that sounds…" Her eyes flickered to the window, not seeing but knowing what was out there, and she knew no one could accuse her of overreacting. "…It is time. For us to dig down to our last reserves."

She paused again, then moved around to the double doors which had been shut tight in Feoneya's wake.

'*''*''*''*'

The journey through the Tower had been unnerving for all of them. The halls had yawned before them, stretching for miles in their wake. This was the message their tired, frayed minds sent them. Their footsteps had echoed strangely.

Raymal had allowed others to take the lead. By no means had she given over authority—everyone still knew she walked amongst them. Raymal was the most powerful female Aes Sedai remaining in the Tower. Rayel had been aware of the woman's presence all day long, and had often shrugged uncomfortably, seeking to scratch an unreachable itch.

At the doors to outside, Raymal stopped. "No hesitations," she said simply, not meeting anyone's eyes. "Calculations, smooth execution, follow through, seek your next target." She made it sound so simple, and Rayel marveled again at her Whiteness.

"I hear them," Coéla whispered, seeming not to have listened to Raymal at all. Her face was painted with the sort of terror that crippled a woman. "I hear them now." No one else appeared to know what she was talking about. "Hush," Rayel said softly, reaching out to take the woman's hand. "We may do well enough."

The Oaths had forced her to alter her choice of words so that she did not outright lie. She was sure Coéla was not comforted by the resultant sentence.

_Nothing for it now_, Rayel told herself, scrabbling around for some bit of resolve. Duty was heavier than a mountain; or, on this day, an entire range of mountains.

The doors opened and the sunlight poured in. They stepped outside.

'*''*''*''*'

As they walked through the streets of Tar Valon, it seemed that most of the enemies' work had been done. The profound silence was explained in time by the corpses that were piled up against walls, in doorways and in the mouths of alley ways. Rayel realised she was nodding calmly, taking note of what she saw. At one point she noticed that her hand no longer held Coéla's. When she paused to look back she saw the Red Sister vomiting.

Rayel wondered why the Red Ajah had ever accepted poor Coéla into their ranks. _You seem to be questioning everybody's choice of Ajah today_, a small voice told her sourly. _And what of yourself? You are happy counting corpses as if they were chunks of firewood. Perhaps being human is too noble a profession for you, let alone being a Green Sister._

She heard someone step up behind her. "Admiring the display?" She turned to face a scowling Johanas, who pointed to something behind her, and she turned again. A dead teenaged body, his body twisted unnaturally. She had been peering closely at the corpse, not really seeing. Now she turned blazing eyes on Johanas and, before she could think twice, slapped him with a small brick of Air. He grunted in surprise, then recovered from the blow and came at her in fury. He slammed into a wall of Air which, Rayel soon found out, had been woven by Raymal.

"Children! That is enough!" the Gray snapped, coming to stand with both of them. "Get moving," she ordered Rayel, and then turned her attention to Johanas. Rayel was content to let the Gray deal with him. Her numbness was wearing off fast, and her eyes were really opening to what she was seeing. Her stomach was ever-clenched. She had developed a splitting head ache.

The streets passed by and nothing changed. Johanas did not look at Rayel again, and she pretended she was happy with that. She was now incredibly aware of her surroundings. She felt the cobblestones beneath her feet, through the flimsy slippers she had grabbed in haste this morning on her way out. She ignored everything while she could: the dead bodies piled up on either side of her; the discarded weapons, soaked in blood and other ghastly substances. She ignored the ever-present scent of death, detectable not so much physically as mentally.

Warders sprang into being miles from the battle ground. Rayel had never accustomed herself to the way these people moved—she was a Green but she had never Bonded. There was something disconcerting about the women and men in the fancloaks; she thought she was the only Green in history to feel that way.

The other Aes Sedai looked relieved as familiar-faced Gaidin trotted forth. Raymal and her Warder Elaisia embraced tightly, and immediately fell into hushed conversation. Even Coéla seemed reassured by the warriors' presence. Rayel and Johanas lingered at the edges, each feeling out of place. They pretended they did not see each other.

Suddenly Rayel became aware of a sound that did not fit.

She frowned and opened her mouth, but she was not the only one who had noticed it. Elaisia yelled, "Make haste!" The others began to run. Rayel did not hesitate to follow. 

She knew what had happened. The battle had started without them.

'*''*''*''*'

It was a scene out of nightmare, and Rayel and the other Sitters stood at the edge of it, for now safely out of the way. They were severely outnumbered. It was as if every now and then, in a sea of enemy forces, Rayel caught sight of one of her own. Often they were swallowed quickly by the consuming tide of darkness. Other times they were joined by reinforcements, but what did they hope to achieve? Did they really have hope?

No. It was not hope that sustained them, but a knowledge of their duty. Duty, heavier than a mountain. So why not shirk it? _How simple it would be_…

_The way back will come but once_…

She blinked and cocked her head. _The way back to…?_

"Rayel!"

Coéla was motioning to her frantically while glancing repeatedly at Raymal. The Gray was in discussion with the Red, Rya of Tarabon. Evidently Raymal had begun giving orders already. Rayel approached with doubt on her face, tuning into what was being said. "…Were not prepared. They cheated."

Raymal laughed richly. "Ah, yes. They broke the rules." She shook her head sadly. "You speak as if they _have_ a sense of right and wrong."

Rya nodded uncomfortably. "Yes. I know. Human nature, I suppose, to expect the best of people…"

"We are wasting time," Raymal said promptly, forestalling whatever Johanas had been going to say. She shrugged and glanced once at Elaisia before continuing, ignoring the glower that Johanas gave her. "We will reinforce the right flank. They need us most."

That was all she needed to say. Everyone hurried off in the same direction, besides Rya who remained at her post to oversee the Aes Sedai she had positioned there.

"What happened?" Rayel asked quietly as she moved to Raymal's side. The Gray did not hear, or else pretended not to. Rayel spoke louder. "Is this really where we can do the most good?" She saw that Raymal understood that she was pretending that she thought their aid would make a difference anywhere.

"I would tell you to take a good look at what is happening to them," Raymal said, nodding at the struggling right flank. "But I wouldn't want you to lose what breakfast you have remaining in there." She was not being sarcastic or cutting. She was being frank.

When in position Rayel began channeling, and was not even sure what weaves she flung out. Her eyes darted around, seeking weak spots where her weaves might do the most damage. _Be steadfast_.

The battle waged on, and people died.

'*''*''*''*'

"Where, where, where…?"

Rayel was murmuring the word aloud, trying to find a place where she would help most.

"Talk to me, not yourself!"

Rayel spun to face the owner of that familiar voice. Voda had just loosed a fireball and now turned her attention to Rayel, that glint in her eye announcing that she was able to make jokes even now. "Voda…" Rayel said softly, and was not sure what else to add.

She was soon too busy to talk, let alone think. She worked off instinct alone, hurling weaves at a stunning rate, finding herself always one step ahead, locating her next target even as her weaves struck home. She channeled and wove, loosed, and channeled again. She saw that others followed her example, and at one point, glimpsing Raymal's face, she saw exhilaration there. The woman was beginning to believe that there was hope after all.

A voice called to her, and she turned her head. In amongst the trees stood a silver arch, gleaming blindingly in the full light of mid-morning. She felt the sudden urge to race to it and dive through. "Rayel?" She gasped and caught sight of Whenmae, who had been calling her for some time now. She looked concerned, but there was no time to reassure her. Soon Rayel had forgotten all about the arch, although a strangely familiar voice called out inside her, telling her to be steadfast. She barely heard it when she noticed that things were about to go horribly sour.

The rest of the enemy forces had arrived.

From that moment on the situation deteriorated. The Aes Sedai and Warders were afflicted by a growing sense of desperation. Fear produced mistakes, especially when it was closer to panic. Mistakes were made, the Aes Sedai were pressed back, and were forced to lean on the mercenary reserves for defense. They had always said they knew it would come to this, but they could never have fully prepared for it. Rayel found herself closed inside the center of a battling ring of Gaidin and mercenaries, her fellow Aes Sedai crowding in so close it soon became unbearable. Claustrophobia gripped her, and she imagined that she saw her expression mirrored in the frantic gazes of her friends.

When they reached the edge of the forest proper, the Aes Sedai were no longer enclosed in a circle. They were rather defended by a long line of dancing, darting Warders. She found herself face to face with Raymal, who was shouting orders. Rayel could barely hear her over the chaotic orchestra of sword blades and pained screams. She managed to gather that Raymal wanted an assessment of the surrounding landscape. "Why didn't you find that out before?!" Rayel shrieked in sudden anger, feeling inexplicably agitated as well as fearful. Raymal appeared to mouth the word "What?" Rayel growled and threw up her hands, then spun and hurried from the fray, intending to execute Raymal's orders however she could.

She soon deduced that things could not get any worse. There was no room to move back further. _At least it does not rain_, a cynical voice muttered inside her, and she found she could actually take comfort from that. _The way back will come_—

"But once!" Rayel snapped. A familiar voice screamed in horror. She jerked her head around and squinted, trying to see what had happened. She had to move closer. Even as she walked she sensed the silver arch behind her, seeming to burn its elegant shape into her back. She somehow felt that if she were to go to it and step through, all would be well. She pushed her insane thoughts away and fought the desire to turn and bolt.  
  
She found Raymal on the ground, run through with a blackened spear. The woman twitched involuntarily and groaned. Agony was etched across her face. Rayel gripped her stomach, thinking she would vomit. She managed somehow to hold it back. Other Aes Sedai were losing control. Coéla sat on the ground, howling in despair. _Never mind the Red Ajah_._ How did she ever become a _Sister_?!_  
  
Whenmae attempted to Heal Raymal. Rayel was now standing with her back to her friends, facing the silvery arch. She knew that the better part of her agitation was linked with the arch. She knew that she had to go to it, though why she could not say. She watched the arch, not noticing that her name was being called, and saw it flicker. Panic seized her. She found it difficult to breathe. If that arch winked out of existence…

What then? What would happen? She did not know, but she was already walking. The voices were distinct now, as if they were all that existed besides the arch. It was Whenmae, and Coéla, yelling her name. Even Raymal found enough strength to call to her. Then they all chorused it together, sounding like a fabrication of her mind. She turned and saw accusation in their eyes. Her throat was tight and tears began to stream down her face. She sobbed once and started to go back to them. Whenmae was stretching out her arms, appealing desperately to Rayel. The grim cloud of doom swarmed ever closer, and Rayel saw Warders fall. Coéla too staggered and crumpled, and Rayel turned again, racing for the arch now. It seemed that her soul tore away from her body, and she knew the wounds would never heal, no matter what she decided in the end.  
  
She became aware of the sun now, of it beating down on her, heating her hair and making her light-headed. She turned, feeling like a marionette whose strings were controlled by two rival puppeteers. She saw Whenmae's tear-stained face, and watched as the darkness seeped in and around her. It began to drag her down. Rayel sobbed again and sprinted now. She heard Whenmae scream, and it was a sound of utter horror, accusing her.  
  
_Abandon the ones who mean the most to you. Desert the innocents, and those who would have lived on to save them. Turn your back on the Light itself and prove yourself a hateful coward. Be forever consumed by your gnawing guilt. May you_—  
  
Whenmae's scream cut off and Rayel fell through the arch, feeling her body and soul being divided into tiny millionths by the cutting light.


	6. The Trauma That Never Heals.

**The Trauma That Never Heals.**

She did not even feel the water this time, only watched wordlessly as drops exploded on the ground on which she knelt. Her entire body trembled, her hair was plastered to her head, and she wore a permanent frown. She did not weep.  
  
"Welcome back," came a voice, and Rayel recognised it as Madeline Sedai's. "Rise, now."  
  
"I don't…I don't…"  
  
Rayel could not find the words she wanted. Her fists were clenched so that the knuckles were white. She felt her hands aching already, and tried unsuccessfully to unfold them.  
  
"Rayel," Madeline said, waiting until the novice was meeting her gaze. "Are you ready to go on, child?"  
  
Rayel blurted out her answer, and fury filled her when she heard herself say the wrong word. She cursed herself repeatedly, though not aloud. Madeline Sedai only smiled and said, "Very well. Come forth."  
  
"I…"  
  
She had already given assent. She could not turn back now. _Oh, Light_… Madeline was waiting for her. She stepped forward and stood gazing with outright horror at the third arch.  
  
"The third time," Madeline said as she had the first time, "is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast."  
  
As her legs carried her forward Rayel became convinced that some evil force was working to make her do things she did not wish to do. _They are all evil…every one of them. Oh, how I despise Aes Sedai_.  
  
She stepped into the light and was consumed.


	7. The Third Arch (Betrayal).

**The Third Arch (Betrayal).**

  
Screams echoed through the labyrinth of her mind, reverberating with a jarring sharpness that caused her to wince and clutch at her skull even now, hours afterward. The memory was too strong, too overwhelming to allow her any peace yet. _Peace_…she murmured silently, and slowly the truth dawned on her: _I will never know peace again_.  
  
As always, the truth fled quickly, and she was left with nothing more than a dizzying hollowness. She couldn't vomit, for there was nothing to throw up; she couldn't collapse—her bones were locked in place, and her tired muscles were forced to comply. She couldn't cry—the hollowness extended right through her, and the moisture within her, that which made her human, had evaporated completely it seemed. She had no life in her, none of the spirit that had once held her aloft.  
  
They came and checked on her once every hour, though she could not have known it—she recognised no small detail now. Her mind was focused on the memories alone, fixated in a manner that allowed no space for anything else. Soon she would be ready, they told one another in hushed tones. Ready for her first meeting with her new kin. They saw her potential, had seen it long ago, and had marked her as one of their own even then. They knew she would be great—but everyone had to start at the bottom, and she would be no exception. They would humble her as she had never thought to be humbled, and from the ashes she would rise in a cloud of triumph.  
  
Her learning would be necessarily shorter than many others', for she was needed in the world, for the carrying out of great deeds. The information locked away in her mind was treasure enough in itself. Soon they would uncover it.  
  
They waited three days before judging her ready. When they came, they seemed phantoms to her, and she shrunk away. They stole her away and into her new chambers, and there she received a special visitor.  
  
Soon enough she had been blinded by the light.

'*''*''*''*'

She pictured Raymal's face in her head, and shivered involuntarily as she did so often these days. The Head of the Black was a fearsome woman, mostly in the way she schooled her expression to absolute stillness. Before the turning Rayel had never encountered a channeler with such a well-maintained Aes Sedai mask. She still wished, where others could not hear or read her thoughts, that she had never had the pleasure of making that acquaintance.  
  
"Ilia, come here," she snapped, feeling irritated that she had let uncomfortable memories get to her yet again. She watched with quiet satisfaction as the young novice scuttled towards her, ending up prostrating herself at Rayel's dusty red slippers.  
  
"My Lady, how may I serve?"  
  
Rayel frowned down at her in silence for a moment. "You may begin by looking at me while I speak to you." The girl rose abruptly, jerking taut like a marionette. "Yes My Lady!" Rayel saw red dust on her nose and chin where her face at met with the earth. _Surely that is taking it too far?_ she thought to herself, before remembering one important detail: she was used to others' grovelling, and had come to expect it as due her.  
  
"Good," she said slowly, and watched the girl's face freeze. "Now…I want you to deliver a message to one of my Sisters. Here. Take this." She handed the girl a small cylindrical container with a rolled-up square of parchment inside. "Take it to Voda Sedai, and inform me when you have done so." She did not need to say anymore—Ilia knew enough of what would happen to her if she failed to do as Rayel asked.  
  
_The way back will come but once_…  
  
Rayel frowned as she spoke the words aloud. They seemed strangely familiar, but she could not have said how. Ilia paused long enough to frown, but at the look on Rayel's face she ran faster than ever. Rayel watched as she scurried off, reminded of the days in which she had been new to the Ajah. At times it still infuriated her, remembering the days when she had bobbed around like some lowly novice on penance. That was what they had called her then—a novice. She may have had the green-fringed shawl, but that did not constitute the shawl of the Black Ajah. She had had to earn the right to wear the ring all over again.  
  
_Not long now_…she thought for the hundredth time. _I have been so long away_…_but now I am going to see my Sisters and Brothers again._ She had become used to the idea of what she had to do, but every now and then she felt a tearing inside her. She would reveal herself as the ultimate traitor, and yet…it had not been her fault. She had been forced over. Would that matter to them?  
  
_Be steadfast_. "So I shall," she said quietly, though she was not sure what the words had meant, or why she had thought them…or even _if_ she had thought them. They seemed alien somehow, as if they were not of this world. That, of course, made no sense at all.  
  
She felt annoyed with herself. Why should she care about what her former peers thought of her? She may have been forced over, but she _had_ been faithfully converted. She had new loyalties now. She had adapted to her new existence. No fond memory of her days in the Tower could make her want to go back now.  
  
She sighed wearily and leaned against the wall of the carriage, awaiting Ilia's return. When all the Sisters had gathered, she would inform them of what their next actions would be.  
  
_Not long now_…

'*''*''*''*'

The Tower looked so different through Black Ajah eyes. The halls seemed far wider, the ceiling so out of reach. The whiteness of it made her feel shrunken and crippled. She swallowed against the disquiet and strode on, intent on her destination.  
  
She heard gasps at certain intervals, and at one point a school of familiar faces swam before her. Adrese. Feoneya. Kara and Migese. Former friends, former Ajah Sisters. Some of them tried to touch her face, but she ducked away from them and hastened her steps, waiting always for the sound that would signal the next beginning.  
  
"Rayel…" The once-beloved voice, so unexpected, sounded despairing and weak to Rayel's ears. She turned on her heel, unable to resist this time, to see Whenmae in her green-fringed shawl, stepping towards her lightly. "Ray…oh Light, it is you. Where have you been…?"  
  
_Be steadfast_… Rayel looked up and around, away from Whenmae and the other Sisters. She wondered briefly where all the male Aes Sedai were. Something caught her eye and she turned her head slightly to see a glowing silver arch wink out of existence. Panic seized her and she did not know why, but soon another sound caught her attention.  
  
The thrice-blown whistle, and the distant sound of rising thunder—feet and hooves on concrete and marble—marked that beginning she had awaited. The army would be surging forth into the Tower grounds at this moment.  
  
The faces crowding around her, both familiar and strange, turned as one forty-five degrees to the right. Rayel stepped around them, embraced _saidar_, flung out a hand and struck one of them in the back with a thudding fist of Earth. Then she fled, the sound of agonised groaning echoing in her ears. "Not long…" she murmured.  
  
The fighting was spreading rapidly throughout the Tower. Rayel met up with her fellows and ordered them to follow her. She could almost feel Raymal's penetrating eyes on her, despite the fact that the Head of the Black was more than two-hundred leagues away. _She sees me still_, she thought, and realised that her stomach was churning. She let none of her hesitation show on her face.  
  
"She is here, they all are," Rayel said, seeing the understanding in her comrades' eyes. "We do not want to kill them, remember. They are to be taken safely. And…keep in mind the exceptions I spoke of earlier in the day. Whenmae Benvlienze in particular."  
  
She reminded them briefly of their respective tasks, taking no more than two minutes to do so. Then the soldiers dispersed and Rayel was left alone with her small gathering. She led them through the halls, at one point allowing two of them to step ahead in order to act as guards.  
  
They ambushed countless Aes Sedai, throwing on shields before the Light-loving creatures knew what was happening. Rayel distanced herself, focusing on her great loyalty to—and fear of—the Great Lord of the Dark whenever she began to doubt herself or her actions. Aarin and Voda, her two most trusted Sisters, honed in on one of the exceptions Rayel had mentioned. They backed the Yellow Sister into a corner and dispatched of her, cutting off her voice in mid-gurgling scream. _Why?_ Rayel thought desperately, but there was no time to think.  
  
Whenmae reappeared, and before Rayel knew it Liannas and Voda hastened forth. "She is powerful," she had informed them earlier. "A danger if left alone too long." Liannas, whose own strength was renowned and the envy of many, immediately shielded the unsuspecting Green. Whenmae cried out, flinching against the invisible barrier that cut her off from _saidar_. Rayel almost regretted what was happening, the look of anguish in Whenmae's eyes moving her more than she had imagined it ever could. As Liannas and Voda advanced, Whenmae spotted Rayel again, and now time seemed to freeze as the two old friends regarded one another.  
  
Realisation dawned on Whenmae's face as her eyes darted between Liannas and Voda, and Rayel. Despite her predicament, the Green only stared at Rayel, horror creeping into her face rapidly. Rayel was the one with whom she had endured the most wearisome moments of training, and who had stood by her in overcoming all obstacles to become Aes Sedai. She stared in disbelief, and suddenly cried out. "Rayel! No! It cannot be! No–!" Her words came in jerking gasps. Rayel's heart squeezed without warning, and she raised her hand. As the fireball leapt seemingly from Voda's fingertips, Rayel cried out in horror, begging them to stop, to save her best friend, the only one who had come close to filling up the void left by Marana.  
  
She threw out thick strands of Air in a last minute attempt to make a wall to protect Whenmae.  
  
Too late.  
  
The Air weave slammed into Voda, missing its target, and the fireball flew forward. Voda's aim was superior to Rayel's; she cried out in fury and agony as Whenmae disappeared in a burst of flame. Her nostrils were soon filled with a nauseating odour, her ears with the unbearable sound of dying screams. _Whenmae_…  
  
Liannis was helping Voda to her feet, and the two Black Sisters now turned to stare at Rayel. Behind them, the charred, twitching corpse of Whenmae fell to the ground, lying now between Rayel and the glowing arch. Liannis and Voda each had a calculating expression on her face. Not angry, or scared…just thoughtful. "What has happened to your head, Rayel?" Liannis asked, arching one brow ever so slightly. "I believe your wits have fled." And she began to walk, dusting off her dress meticulously as she came.  
  
Rayel knew her time was limited. She had faltered, and Voda and Liannas were intent on finding out why. Rayel was not willing to give them the chance. She raced for the arch without hesitation now, forgetting about glory and power and eternal life, forcing herself not to think of all the other former friends she left behind. She felt a tearing of countless oaths inside her, and knew that she would bleed eternally. She mourned for Whenmae, the truest friend she had ever known, the friend who had died by her own hand, or as well as.  
  
As if in final punishment, she tripped over another corpse's leg and slammed to the ground right beside what had once been Whenmae. She was transfixed for a moment by the horror of what she saw, but soon enough she was up and lumbering on, gagging but not able to vomit.  
  
She slipped and fell into the arch, feeling that she had swallowed millions of fragments of crushed glass which now cut her to ribbons, body and soul, from the inside.  
  
The Light burned her, and she sought peace with a tenacity that she had never displayed before.


	8. Accepted Rayel Markhin.

**Note:** This was not written by me. The author can be found at www.wheeloftimerp.com, and goes by the handle of Ariana at the Shining Walls of Tar Valon (http://www.wheeloftimerp.com).

**Accepted Rayel Markhin.**  
By Ariana Sedai, The Amyrlin Seat.  
  


Rayel came stumbling out of the Arch, her eyes wild and searching. When she came to a stop at Madeline's gentle hand, Ariana stepped forward, the silver chalice filled with sparkling clean water. She tilted the chalice, emptying the final contents of water over the young woman's head.  
  
"You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us clean, in heart and soul. You are Rayel, Accepted of the White Tower." The last spilling down her back and over her hair. "You are sealed to us, now." The words held an ominous promise as Ariana leaned over to kiss Rayel's cheek gently. She looked so haunted. Slipping the ring on the third finger of her left hand, Ariana tried to give the woman a reassuring smile, but Rayel didn't seem to notice. Smoothing over the worry on her face, Ariana replied, "Congratulations, Rayel."


	9. The Worst Nightmare.

**The Worst Nightmare.**  
  


As the third chalice full of water was dumped on her, Rayel thought, _I will take my own life before I become used to being a Black Sister_. She wept now, silently, but the tears mingled with the water and no one noticed until later.  
  
The words came as follows. "You are washed clean of Rayel Markhin of Kirukesa. You are washed clean of all the ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Rayel Markhin, Accepted of the White Tower. You are sealed to us, now."  
  
She watched the Amyrlin lean in to kiss her on one cheek. "Welcome, Daughter," the woman murmured, and slipped the Great Serpent onto Rayel's finger.  
  
Rayel stared, forgetting to be grateful or relieved. _Welcome_. She shook her head slowly, thinking that if there had ever been a more abhorrent welcome than the Accepted's test, she was glad she had not received it.  
  
"Thank you, Mother," she said automatically, knowing she should offer more but knowing she was incapable.  
  
She dressed slowly and could not help looking at the gleaming ring on her finger again. _It is so pretty_, she thought, though she had never been a fan of jewellery. _Oh, how ironic, that I should have my very spirit trampled and torn in the pursuit of a pretty ring_. She looked down at the ring and asked it, _Will you prove yourself worthy of me?_ Surely that was not the way an Accepted was supposed to think.  
  
She left the chamber, feeling so light she thought she would float away at any moment.


	10. Aftermath.

**Aftermath.**  
  
  


In her room that night, Rayel thanked the Light she did not share it with anyone. She could say whatever she wanted, out loud, and not be accused of being insane. She would once have told herself she was anyway, but she had lost the energy.  
  
She could not sleep yet, despite being utterly exhausted. She was Accepted now, but she doubted she would ever think it was worth it. An intense hatred of everything coiled within her, and it originated with her. Never could she hate anyone or anything the way she hated herself.  
  
She went over all that she remembered from her arches, knowing she would write it all down at a later date. Her mind ached as much as her body, which was curled up tightly on the bed. She felt compelled to replay the entire ordeal in her head repeatedly.  
  
"Red Rya…" she murmured absent-mindedly, staring at the wall. "Can I see into the future?" She could have sworn that Rya Sedai was more than just a character out of her own imagination. She remembered Red Rya, Stinging Blade of Tarabon, even if to her knowledge at this moment, no such woman had yet lived. Perhaps she really was just insane.  
  
Something nagged at her, but she scrabbled around frantically for more distractions, knowing she did not want to think about it. The events that had transpired within the arches whirled around and around in her head, until they had all formed one big horrifying muddle. She wept for about an hour before finally feeling sleep drag her down.   
  
As she slipped into the usual nightmares, now augmented by the terror of the Accepted's test, she knew as clear as day what she had been avoiding accepting since exiting the third arch. The link was gone. All that remained of what she and Marana had shared was a gaping hole, not wet or infected like a sore but dry and yawning, sterile and dark.  
  
Her life would never be the same.


	11. OOC: Some Background Info

**OOC: Background Notes**

First of all, for those who don't know, "OOC" means "Out Of Character".

Okay, this is the "chapter" in which I give some info on the character of Rayel. The idea is to make the rest of the fic make more sense. :)

If you haven't read the _Wheel of Time_ series (Robert Jordan) it will take a _lot_ of explaining on my part to give you background on that series. Let's say for now that it is a fantasy series in which there are magicians, known as Aes Sedai, whose headquarters are in the White Tower. The Tower is situated in the magnificent (architecturally) city of Tar Valon. Aes Sedai (who for more complex reasons are all female at this point in WoT history) use the One Power by tapping the Source. It's kinda complicated. *draws breath*

I'm not going to go into much more of that, because I will be talking forever. :P

Now onto the fic itself, which was written as part of my "training" at the Shining Walls, to advance my character Rayel in rank. Some of the other stories I've written for similar purposes are 'Into the Arches' and 'The Legend of Buenico the White'.

Rayel is a trainee at the White Tower. Even before she arrived there, she had met the best friend she's ever known, a young girl (about her own age) named Marana al'Jade, on the road to Tar Valon. The two girls didn't get off to a magnificent start, but they eventually became close friends, thinking of one another more as sisters.

As time passed they began to realise that they had a bond that went beyond emotions. They had a _psychic_ bond, one that allowed them to communicate without words, and merely via thoughts. Hopefully this makes sense of some aspects of the fic that you've seen.

At one stage in Rayel's history, Marana mysteriously disappeared. The bond between the two girls gradually grew weaker. The fact that it was always there, in some weak form at least, assured Rayel that her friend was still alive somewhere. If you've read this fic you know what becomes of all of that.

The story of what happened to Marana is not known, as the real-life girl who played Marana is not around to complete the tale. Marana's disappearance corresponded to the real-life departure of Marana's maker, a girl named Tiffany Wimsatt. She was a friend of mine and unlike with Marana, I do know what became of to her. The Marana storyline has been highly significant to me because of my ties of friendship to Tiffany.

I think that may be enough. If anyone wants to leave notes and tell me that I need to explain something better, please do so. I don't mind adding to this chapter over time.

Stormer/Trish.


End file.
